Sunday, April 17, 2016

Peter's Story

Note, everything up to the rescue is speculative based on behavioral cues since Peter was welcomed in his forever home.

I was whelped late winter 2009 from a Chihuahua bitch who was a bit careless in choice of a mate.  Not unusual in Milpitas CA where small mixes rule.  A nice family welcomed me home and helped me learn to be a nice family dog.  But soon things got a little weird.  A man in a suit and another in a uniform knocked on the door and made my family very angry.  I hid in my carrier as I usually did when the family was angry, and tried not to be noticed.   Soon after a big truck came and took everything out of the house and my family was looking at me with a strange feeling of love and unhappiness.  They took me to my favorite park where I loved to chase squirrels. I didn't  play much with the other dogs.  I was a small puppy, and stayed close to my family when I was tired of chasing squirrels.  When I got tired I came back to parking lot but they were not there.  I made my way back to the house but they were not there either.  I stayed in the neighborhood for a while hoping that one of the neighbors would take pity on me or at least leave a bit of food out for me, but it was not to be.

I hate to be wet, and when the storm came I went to the neighborhood shopping center and found a dry place to hide behind a breakfast place.  I found a blanket nearby and dragged it to my refuge and fell asleep under it.  By morning I was very hungry and ventured out of my hiding place.  People have been nice to me so I was not afraid, and I saw a nice lady outside taking a break, and begged for some food.  She went inside and brought out a dirty plate with some eggs and butter on it and left it for me.  That was my food for a few days as she would always leave a plate out for me in the early morning.

But one morning a bunch of nasty men grabbed me and took me away and began using me as a soccer ball, kicking me and laughing at my cries of pain.  I managed to escape when they took a break but I was in a strange neighborhood and couldn't find my way back to anyplace I knew.  I don't know how long I wandered around trying to find some food but a nice lady in a little truck enticed me with some food and picked me up and took me to a big house with lots of dogs and cats in it.  They fed me and stuck some needles in me, and put me in a nice open cage in a quiet part of the house.

The next day a nice lady wandered into my aisle which was marked Not For Adoption and when she saw me we bonded instantly.  The rest of my new family was talking about adopting some other dog, and the nice lady went to them and told them "We will look at Peter."  She was told that I was a stray that had not been evaluated yet, but the older man said he was a good trainer of dogs and could handle me.  After some argument they brought me into the meeting room and I ran up to the woman and rolled over so she could rub my sore belly.  That convinced the people at the Humane Society of Silicon Valley that I would be a good dog for the family and they let me go home with them the next day.

In my new home I had a brand new rug so I didn't have to worry about accidents, but I knew about inside so they did not have to worry.  I used their nice back yard with lots of squirrels to tend to my needs and went back and crawled into my carrier for the night.  It felt safe, but I missed my blanket so I scouted around a bit and saw a nice quilt hanging off the couch.  I knew I wasn't allowed to be on the furniture so I gave it a little tug and another and it fell to the floor and I wrapped myself in it.
I was so comfortable that I didn't even run back to my carrier when I heard them come down and this was what they found.  They didn't even tell me I was a bad dog for stealing the quilt and I knew that I was home.

After breakfast training began, they were surprised that there were no piddles on the rug, then I barked at a squirrel on the fence, and they let me out to give him a run for his challenge and took care of the necessaries and went back in.  I am really a house dog, and go outside only when it is necessary, and never when it rains.  Not even to chase a squirrel.

When the man made breakfast the smell of eggs and butter was so nice I went over to the table to share.  It turns out that the man didn't like that and sent me away.  So the next day I didn't bother him and sat on my sleeping mat and told him I was waiting with my eyes and ears.  He looked at me and told me I was a gooddog, and after a bit he put his not quite empty plate down for me to clean up.  I learned quickly that "gooddog" eventually was followed by a treat, so training was easy for both of us.  After breakfast the man was refilling the butter dish, and I remembered the lady at the breakfast place always left a few butter wrappers out for me, so I went back to my mat and waited expectantly, the man isn't dumb either so he brought me the butter wrapper to lick.  That ended the table training for both of us.  If I stayed away I always got a plate to lick, and he almost always remembered to put the plate down as soon as he was finished.

The nice lady wasn't as persnickety and kept a little dish on the floor beside her, and when she found some fat or gristle that she didn't want to eat she dropped it in the bowl.  I told you we bonded instantly.  I made sure that when I tested out the couch rules that the man was nowhere to be seen to object and found that none of the furnature was off limits.  The man didn't fight the consensus and the orange quilt on the couch became my downstairs home.

When I was still a pup we went to San Francisco for an outing, I was good on a leash and knew all the usual cues, heel, sit, wait, come, etc.  I still didn't like men including the trainer man, and didn't like him even touching me.  But as we were walking in the city we approached a bus stop where a big bunch of men were standing around.  I just couldn't be convinced to pass them even in a tight heel.  I just sat down and let the man solve the problem.  He finally picked me up and carried me past them.  I didn't really like it but it did make me feel safe away from their feet.  He felt me shivering and put me down as soon as we were past the trouble. 

I quickly learned to announce anybody intruding on the property, and to park on cue if they were welcome.  If they were women and children I eagerly joined the party but was reserved so I didn't frighten anybody.  I had a much harder time accepting men even from a distance.  I didn't even like the trainer man with all the treats to touch me.  He could tell me what to do, and I would do it, but even in a heel I kept away from his feet for several years.   I eventually learned with lots of help to tolerate men that had good smelling shoes.   The nice lady is Chinese so everybody leaves their shoes in the foyer where I can get acquainted with them.

In the evening I get long walks to exercise my people and sniff my way around the neighborhood to make sure all is well.  They tried to teach me off leash behavior, but I prefer to keep my new family on the other end of the leash.  I don't even go to the door until they attach themselves to my harness.  

Not much more to tell just the boring adventures of a happy house dog in a nice family home.  I am sure you have heard them all. I am just a
happy old dog lying in the sun.





Saturday, April 16, 2016

Delayed Reward Voice Dog Training


I use delayed reinforcement of a vocal reward as it works at any time whether you are training or simply on a walk or reinforcing social behaviors at home. Use a unique behavior cue for each desired action, and when the action occurs provide a unique short reward word "Haihai" "goodog" or equivalent. Think "Good Dog" whatever reward cue you use, dogs do read your mind. After several cue, action, "goodog" successes take a break and provide a favorite treat after cue and goodog without the action. Try different ones. Hesh will let you know quickly which treat is the right one. For Peter it is 1/6 of a 1/8" turkey (not beef) hot dog slice. He refuses commercial treats. Some trainers use a clicker, but his partner's voice is a better reward. Professional dogs like bomb sniffers etc. are active dogs and a retrieve is the reward. If you prefer treat reinforcement substitute treat for verbal reward.
The first exercise is hand attention training. When hesh is looking at you move your hand. When hesh follows it with herm head give a cue like "look" or "here" then say goodog. After several successes say goodog and provide a favorite treat. Then comes the "look" when hesh is not paying attention and goodog when he looks at your hand. Repeat ad lib until it becomes a game. Hand attention cue followed by another cue once the hand attention cue is reliable is the key to advanced training. 

Social training is next how to meet and greet visitors. I like the natural barking at intruders but once the doorbell rings or the door opens the "park" command is after training to retire to herm mat, stay, and be quiet. This has several good points. Hesh is removed immediately from over-friendly or frightened visitors until they are seated and non-threatening. Then hesh is released with a "greet" cue to smell the feet of the visitors. New over-friendly or frightened visitors are told to ignore this natural behavior until the dog gets acquainted. If the dog is social hesh will then approach an available hand in a friendly manner. If the dog is not so social hesh will normally assume a guard position between the guests and the door. A dog friendly approach is normally tolerated by any dog if the visitor is so inclined. Amusing note, Peter is rewarded at times long after a series of visitors have come and gone with three treats, one for "bark", one for "park" and one for "greet" as I am the trainer and may not be at home or busy away from the treats. He can count up to five visitors, and will expect three treats for each whether or not any cues or goodogs were needed. 

The usual behavior cues can also be trained similarly "freeze," "heel," "wait," and "leaveit" on walks or in the backyard, with the treats after the training session is over. My rule is one treat for each cue no matter how many goodogs happen in the session. Again, "cue," "goodog," then treat.

For meds e.g. eye meds, "Look" then "EyesUp" move your hand slightly up when hesh follows it with open eyes and stays fixated on it "goodog." After that becomes a game add the eye meds, with an immediate goodog and treat. He will start begging for eye meds. Similar with any meds, a cue to present the affected area following a hand movement and be still. 

A note on housebreaking puppies. I use the same procedure, and have either paper trained or outside trained several puppies in less than a day by the simple procedure of devoting as much of the day as necessary to moving the dog to the proper place each time hesh wakes, eats, drinks, or starts to sniff around, with a goodog for each elimination. Again the treat is delayed until the dog has moved back inside, then "goodog" and treat.

Friday, April 15, 2016

The House Dog's Grave : Robinson Jeffers.

The House Dog's Grave (Haig, an English bulldog)

I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you, if you dream a moment,
You see me there.

So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.

I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no, all the night through
I lie alone.

But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet
Outside your window where firelight so often plays,
And where you sit to read--and I fear often grieving for me--
Every night your lamplight lies on my place.

You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope than when you are lying

Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.
No, dear, that's too much hope: you are not so well cared for
As I have been.

And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided. . . .
But to me you were true.

You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.


Robinson Jeffers, 1941

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Dog's Last Will and Testament

A Dog's Last Will and Testament
(Author unknown)
Before humans die, they write their last Will & Testament, and give their home and all they have to those they leave behind. If, with my paws, I could do the same, this is what I'd ask....
To a poor and lonely stray I'd give:
My happy home.
My bowl, cozy bed, soft pillows and all my toys.
The lap which I loved so much.
The hand that stroked my fur and the sweet voice which spoke my name.
I'd  will to the sad scared shelter dog the place I had in my human's heart, of which there seemed no bounds.
So when I die please do not say, "I will never have a pet again, for the loss and pain is more than I can stand."  Instead go find an unloved dog; one whose life has held no joy or hope and give MY place to him.
This is the only thing I can give...the love I left behind.

Friday, April 1, 2016

Winning Is Not the Only Thing

For white dudes winning is the only thing. Winning is a zero sum game by definition. If you are not a winner you are a loser. It is possible to opt out, even for white dudes, but their culture makes it hard to do. White dudes from little leagues, to presidential candidates are taught that those who do not win are losers. Doing whatever it takes to win is not only acceptable it is exemplary. Destroy your body and life with drugs? If that is what it takes to win -- go for it. Destroying your family and friends to take the next step to the win, no problem, they will be destroyed anyway if you lose. Winners can buy new families and friends. Ersatz families and friends flock to winners. It is all part of the game. If you can't win by the rules, simply change the rules. If winning is the only thing, rules like taxes are for the ordinary people. (AlphaGo is a white dude machine. If it can't win it seems to stoop to insults in losing.)

There are other ways of living your life. White dudes rigging the rules so that heads I win, tails you lose means opting out of the game is the only rational solution for most people especially those that are not white dudes. Trying to play by white dude rules means accepting the heads white guys win, tails you rules that are provided by the white dudes. Those challenging the white dudes at their game are never going to win. The only option is to opt out of the white guy zero sum game. This is frequently done by white guys, you just never hear about them. You see, they are failures. No matter what they have done for themselves, their families, or humanity, they didn't win and therefore are failures.

Opting out at one point in US history was a respectable and adequately compensated choice for most men and some women willing to work. In the post WWII consumer driven economy unemployment was low and temporary for most willing and able workers, and even marginal workers were able to provide necessities for their families. That all changed by design when the white guys invented Voodoo Economics and found an unemployed actor to sell it for them. The bigoted white guys were already in congress and once voodoo economics and right to work laws made opting out difficult if not impossible; the winners were fewer and fewer and took all the winnings. This works for a while, but sooner or later those that can no longer opt out and still survive reclaim their lives, traditionally in America by electing a progressive, but with pitchforks if that fails. In the words of Kris Kristofferson/Fred Foster made famous by the iconic failure Janis Joplin "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose."

The only way to prevent this is to provide a way for people to opt out comfortably if not necessarily successfully. Providing basic needs for those who opt out, see Scandinavian socialism and post war unions, makes it possible for people to opt out of the zero sum game and still be human. In a modern society where mass production is essentially labor free, the consumption driver for the economy is gone. Some countries are recognizing this and providing a basic stipend that is liveable if not comfortable. Those who wish to contribute to society, and most reasonable people do, will find ways to contribute with artisanship, sale of intangibles on crowd funding sites, and innovation. None of which is possible for a person struggling to feed a family or even hermself.

I was brought up by a famous athlete who opted out of the winning game, probably because he was too nice a guy and nice guys are losers, and found a niche for himself in what is now called Human Relations Management. There are no winners in that field, pay is not commensurate with the responsibility of not only providing the necessary support for those who might become winners, but not incidentally those who are not winners but still contribute to the enterprise. One of the earliest admonitions from dad was a 1908 quote from Grantland Rice
For when the One Great Scorer comes to mark against your name
He writes—not that you won or lost—but how you played the Game.
recycled in a poem Alumnus Football, which I just read for the first time in researching the quote, which is a poem about life after being a super star athlete, in a game where the rules are the white guy rules of winners and losers. My impression from dad and from others was that originally at least for the athlete the game was more important than the W. Perhaps the loss of that attitude is what is wrong with the American culture and economy today. 

From a very limited exposure to Chinese culture, it seems that this attitude of playing well at whatever level you are at is the most important thing. Western culture has intruded a bit, but even Apple is finding that exploitation, that is creating losers, is a losing game in the East. There is an adage among Asian weiqi players, "If your life is troubled; look to your weiqi game. Perhaps Google should learn from that.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Alunmus Football, Grantland Rice

 Mirrored from http://runalot.blogspot.com/2007/12/alumnus-football-by-grantland-rice.html

One of the great sports poems of all time by one of the greatest sports writers...
Alumnus football
Grantland Rice

Bill Jones had been the shining star upon his college team.
His tackling was ferocious and his bucking was a dream.
When husky William took the ball beneath his brawny arm
They had two extra men to ring the ambulance alarm.

Bill hit the line and ran the ends like some mad bull amuck.
The other team would shiver when they saw him start to buck.
And when some rival tackler tried to block his dashing pace,
On waking up, he'd ask, "Who drove that truck across my face?"

Bill had the speed-Bill had the weight-Bill never bucked in vain;
From goal to goal he whizzed along while fragments, strewed the plain,
And there had been a standing bet, which no one tried to call,
That he could make his distance through a ten-foot granite wall.

When he wound up his college course each student's heart was sore.
They wept to think bull-throated Bill would sock the line no more.
Not so with William - in his dreams he saw the Field of Fame,
Where he would buck to glory in the swirl of Life's big game.

Sweet are the dreams of college life, before our faith is nicked-
The world is but a cherry tree that's waiting to be picked;
The world is but an open road-until we find, one day,
How far away the goal posts are that called us to the play.

So, with the sheepskin tucked beneath his arm in football style,
Bill put on steam and dashed into the thickest of the pile;
With eyes ablaze he sprinted where the laureled highway led-
When Bill woke up his scalp hung loose and knots adorned his head.

He tried to run the ends of life, but with rib-crushing toss
A rent collector tackled him and threw him for a loss.
And when he switched his course again and dashed into the line
The massive Guard named Failure did a toddle on his spine.

Bill tried to punt out of the rut, but ere he turned the trick
Right Tackle Competition scuttled through and blocked the kick.
And when he tackled at Success in one long, vicious prod
The Fullback Disappointment steered his features in sod.

Bill was no quitter, so he tried a buck in higher gear,
But Left Guard Envy broke it up and stood him on his ear.
Whereat he aimed a forward pass, but in two vicious bounds
Big Center Greed slipped through a hole and rammed him out of bounds.

But one day, when across the Field of Fame the goal seemed dim,
The wise old coach, Experience, came up and spoke to him.
"Oh Boy," he said, "the main point now before you win your bout
Is keep on bucking Failure till you've worn the piker out!"

"And, kid, cut out this fancy stuff - go in there, low and hard;
Just keep your eye upon the ball and plug on, yard by yard,
And more than all, when you are thrown or tumbled with a crack,
Don't sit there whining-hustle up and keep on coming back;

"Keep coming back with all you've got, without an alibi,
If Competition trips you up or lands upon your eye,
Until at last above the din you hear this sentence spilled:
'We might as well let this bird through before we all get killed.'

"You'll find the road is long and rough, with soft spots far apart,
Where only those can make the grade who have the Uphill Heart.
And when they stop you with a thud or halt you with a crack,
Let Courage call the signals as you keep on coming back.

"Keep coming back, and though the world may romp across your spine,
Let every game's end find you still upon the battling line;
For when the One Great Scorer comes to mark against your name,
He writes - not that you won or lost - but how you played the Game."

Artisanal Toast - Coping with Schizoaffective Disorder

http://www.psmag.com/health-and-behavior/toast-story-latest-artisanal-food-craze-72676


An interesting comment on how Millenial trends get started, but more important how one person dealt with serious mental health issues without much medical help. 

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

There is Patriarchy, Libertine Patriarchy, and the Third Way



Read See More.  The best discussion of patriarchal systems that I have seen.


 The third way is largely invisible, as women take control of their Own Whole Lives* with men as simply partners in whatever they wish to do with their lives sexually, reproductively, and economically. There are enough men around who understand that women are whole humans and respect that to make it work.  They may also understand that for many desirable women men must buy into the whole woman to even have a chance at a sexual relationship.  Evident especially at high achieving universities where Grad School is a given for both men and women.  While the Mrs. is still a fall back for some, it is not the aspiration that got them into the university. 

 I was an early adopter of the concept and married a woman who from high school made it clear that a professional career was a higher priority than any man.  We both had demanding professionally careers, and shared child raising with both of us doing more than half.  While professional couples is my social milieu, I have made it a point to notice the woman driven change in other segments of the society.  Due to the vicissitudes of preparing for a dual career lifestyle and supporting a professional in a misogynistic profession I have lived in many social strata.

 The third way was made possible relatively recently with reliable contraception enabling women to finish whatever training or education they feel is necessary without worries about chastity or pregnancy.  At any point they may partner with a man for sex, rent, or companionship but dependence is not part of the package.  The gender of the partner is probably less important than the human respect, but heterosexuality is the norm so most of the partners are men at all stages of life.  At top universities co-ed living is now the norm. There is even a fraternity at Stanford that shares a co-ed house with two sororities.   

 Once settled these third way couples make a point of being invisible to their patriarchal neighbors.  The only observable difference is both cars leave in the morning.  Any children involved may be in either car.  On the weekends they may host a griller or tailgate to watch their favorite team, maybe even their kid's team, but frequently only one partner is hosting.  The other is "busy."  


 *Blatantly stolen from the OWL curriculum which teaches boys and girls how to take control of their Own Whole Lives, especially sexually but also relationships, and learning. 

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Why I Am Not a Feminist. Part 1: Feminists Ignore the Fundamental Gender Issues



I am a humanist. In the words of the UU first principle "The inherent worth and dignity of every person."


Feminism divides people by gender, and once you have us vs. them somebody is inferior. 

Why does that woman, cis trans or in transition, who is your equal in every way need your feminism? She needs your respect as a colleague and probably a promotion to your grade. Got that? Or is feminism enough?

Why does that man need to fundamentally change behavior that is socially, religiously, and genetically conditioned to creating children and providing a safe nurturing space for them against all the slings and arrows society can muster against him for that safe and nurturing space for his children.  

Admittedly certain aspects of this masculinity may not be appropriate in a modern society. But why are men and women together not trying to change the dysfunctional manifestations of masculinity: rape, assault, paternalism, and pillaging for resources; rather than trying to fiddle around with their basic natures with language and shaming of minor behavioral or dominance issues.    


I come from a family tradition of strong, independent, competent women.  In choosing women friends and partners I search out those same qualities. None to my knowledge call themselves feminists.  They are too busy being twice as good as the average man to achieve their goals in life.  (As more than one noted “Fortunately that is not difficult.")


My parenting partner was in a brutally misogynistic profession, and many times I needed my white male MBA privilege to change jobs and careers since she had no flexibility in hers.  I spent exactly no time trying to change the culture of her profession, nor mine, and neither did she until she was tenured, and even then she was more concerned with proving that even without professional support a woman could exceed the achievements of most men in her profession. 

N.B.    More reasoned essays on feminism and humanism can be found on Thinking on the Blue Roads

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Why I Am Not a Feminist. Part 2: Professional Success While Parenting


The underlying premise of feminism is a fundamental refusal to recognize the fact that men and women are differently abled in a fundamental evolutionary necessary function.  Females of all sexual species including women produce and generally care for the fertilized ovum until it becomes an independently viable organism.  Generally in mammals independent viability is defined as being able to feed themselves. Males besides providing the necessary gamete also provide the necessary safe space for the female to get the zygote to viability.  Both functions can be shared but there are significant costs to doing so. 

Privileged feminists of both genders deny this fundamental difference and attempt to turn women into male surrogates. (There are few feminists in the underprivileged groups, they have different problems to deal with.)  The problem with male surrogacy is that the male function is to provide a safe space for children. This generally involves competition for resources to provide that safe space excluding most other values.  Even social activities and recreation are devoted to networking to increase access to those resources. 

It is not impossible for women to succeed in prick dominated professions, but they either need to be childless prick surrogates, even pricks aspiring to high levels are expected to be childless, or delay children until they achieve either success or failure.  Feminists of both genders seem to be advocating one of these career paths for women. 

The only alternative for a professional mom is to have a partner at home to share the child raising and housekeeping.  A lot can be contracted; even discriminatory pay in a prick job is generous if not equal.  But the quality time with partner and children can not be delegated, so some compromises on the job are necessary. Note that in many cases the partner is employed in some cases in a well-paid prick job, but even parent males in prick jobs face discrimination that limits both their income and opportunity for "success."  Being unable to spend the off-work networking time fucking around with the guys is a serious professional handicap for any parent. Even at conventions fucking around time is limited as a responsible parent still must read bedtime stories and deal with relationship issues for their children. Not to mention providing loving support for their parenting partner who for the time being is mom regardless of gender.  A sick kid can even cut into booth time at a convention.  Or in one case board meeting time in the home office.  

Once reliable contraception became common, and it became possible for women with the cooperation of their partners to choose not to accept the traditional role of barefoot and pregnant homemakers without giving up either sex or children.  "Family planning" with 2 to 4 well-spaced children became a desirable life style among the non-religious and some religious families which gave women time to be active in their communities and freed men from the rat race of having to provide a desired life style and opportunity for too many children.  For the first time a middle class family could afford to have all their children aspire to higher education and for the woman to seek opportunities outside the home after the youngest was in school.  

A few women were able to plan their lives around professional careers with or without children.  Those that planned professional careers with children knew that their partner would have to provide significant support mainly at home and that both would have to take the career hit that homemaking with children entailed.  

HOW ONE WOMAN DID THE JOB 

The following is a story of one such woman. It is not atypical, it is just one I know well.  By the time she entered high school in the 50's she knew that she was going to be a professional biologist.  She took all the STEM courses, one of the few women in the classes in high school and took her transcript to one of the most respected biology departments in the area and was admitted instantly.  

She dated normally, sex was not normally part of the dating scene at the time, but people were pairing off with the women seeking the Mrs. asap with a man with good potential as a provider with sex as the hook. 

The biologist was different, her date relatively early in the usual courtship rituals knew that sex was a distant dream.  This selected out most of the traditional menfolk, but did attract a certain group who were attracted to her mind and aspirations rather than her vagina.   

One such man met her after freeing himself of all female obligations in order to attend a prestigious distant University, and they bonded quickly but loosely.  The intellectual/aspirational bond was maintained by mail and phone, and occasional vacation partying, but was still non-exclusive.  Both dated normally for their peer group but the sex hook was dodged by both. Neither found a partner that shared their aspirations for a high achieving couple with children.  

She graduated college a year after he had started his desired career path in chemistry, and could support her in her master's degree at a local State college.  Plans evolved and both found themselves at the door of the financial aid officer at a prestigious university that advertised that admissions were need independent and that support would be provided for all admitted. The FAO explained that the way it was done was that the woman worked while the man got the MBA, then he supported her on her PhD program to which she was admitted.  This put the first kid 6 or 8 years off and the horny man lit into the FAO and said we are both starting in the fall, how are you going to get it paid for.  He delivered and the couple spent two years in abject poverty, to fit into the meager resources found.  The shared goals kept them going, and the newly minted MBA left for a prestigious job on the other coast, while she finished the residence requirements for the PhD.  She finished the masters and the PhD at a local university, while he finished his management rotation training assignments.  

He requested a transfer to a major metropolitan area with a rich source of opportunity for her as his first real assignment.  His first mistake as the company had other plans. He was told it was a stupid move as manufacturing was much more prestigious in the company than marketing. But privilege has its privilege and the transfer was arranged.  The first mistake of many.  She took a position far below her qualifications both in pay and prestige in a notoriously misogynistic occupation, but kept her head above water simply by being better than her male colleagues.  As she frequently quoted being better than the average man is not difficult.  

As time went on he was wrapping up a time consuming but extremely successful project and her first grant was on the books and the time was right for the next phase of their project: reproduction.  The feminists and the powers at her work were aghast as the implied bargain was no children. She didn't notice and started her next grant that was due about the same time as the child.  As her office was near the O.B. department she went in to work as usual prior to the planned induction at 2 in the afternoon.  She took the next 10 days off to work out the details of newborn care with her partner.  The grant went in on time, was approved in her name, and a long overdue promotion to her proper academic status followed quickly.

The next major event was an executive BBQ to vet the man for a major promotion earned by the successful project and not incidentally to see if his wife would fit into the paternalistic company's executive wife support group.  She was at a conference that weekend present her results.  When this was made known to the responsible exec, the man was told that his wife should just cancel the presentation and come to the BBQ, it was that important.  It had been obvious for some time that she would never fit in the paternalistic social milieu created by the company at the headquarters city, so the conference went on, the man was disinvited from the BBQ and all talk of promotions ceased.  It is probably significant to note that two of his superiors and their wives rode the project to the presidency of the company.  He began to look for other opportunities.            

A new job for him, a promotion and a bit more money for her, a new kid on the floor, and life went on.  Promotions for both, an injured kid dragged him out of a board meeting, but mom out of town raised no eyebrows, he neglected to mention it was a major scientific conference so there was no pushback.  The company was failing anyway so it was back to the job market for him.  The only opportunities in grade and in industry were out of town so another career change was indicated.  It is always interesting backing a successful career mom.  
There are many more interesting similar stories of interest only to the participants. 

The takeaway is that neither achieved the success that a married prick would have in the same job with or without children.  The only reason she could do as well as she did with children was that the career hit was unequally shared by the privileged male.  Maybe she would have done better as a childless prick, but the cultural handicaps remain for all women regardless of the noise feminists make about irrelevant issues. The possibility of pregnancy cannot be ignored by employers in spite of denialism by feminists.